I was convinced to go talk to my doctor about my snoring, and the regular bad nights of sleep I get. It’s not really a problem - just occasionally a wake up really tired.
So I went to the doc, and he referred me to the Sleep Clinic in East Grinstead. They contacted me and have given me a couple of phone interviews, and the upshot is they have proscribed be with a CPAP machine.
This has lead to the worst week of sleeping I have ever had.
The device has a full face mask that straps on with Velcro and magnets. It’s not uncomfortable, just awkward. This is attached to a long curly hose and the CPAP machine itself, that sits on the floor with a chamber of water to humidify the air.
When it detects me breathing, the machine turns itself on. It’s clever and detects when I fall asleep, slowly bringing up the pressure to what is proscribed. This has lead to be being woken every night at about 12:30 with the thing blowing so hard that the mask is leaking air and blowing raspberries on my face.
This has the effect of preventing my sleep apnoea by preventing me from actually sleeping. Nice.
I took a follow up call after the first night, when I was feeling suicidal, and the technician just told be to persevere.
I have persevered, apart from Sunday night when I knew I had early shift next morning. I knew that I could not cope psychologically with no sleep and an early shift. It would have killed me.
The consultant, Richard, phoned later in the week. He is able to check the logs from the machine, which it uploads wirelessly somehow. He gave me a tip to put a drop of Olbas oil on the water reservoir to keep my nose unclogged. He also turned down the pressure a little. The reduced pressure and the Olbas oil have helped a bit, and the machine congratulated me on lasting the whole night without ripping the mask off this morning.
The maximum pressure is still a bit too high, so next week I will see if I can ask for that to be reduced a little. I will persevere.
Anyhow, I have written a song about this, for which I am putting together some music in GarageBand. The song is called Raspberries In The Night, and it goes like this...
Raspberries In The Night
This will all be good for you,
That is what they said.
Take this large contraption
And strap it round your head.
Adjust it so it’s comfortable
It will be alright.
But I never expected
Raspberries in the night.
Raspberries in the night my boys,
Raspberries in the night.
Fill the box with water,
Strap the mask on tight.
Try to doze off sideways.
It will be alright.
But you’ll never stay asleep through
Raspberries in the night.
Strap the mask on tightly
Fit it into place.
Check the seal is perfect
All around your face.
Shove the rubber hose in here
Click the catch up tight.
But you won’t escape from
Raspberries in the night.
Lay yourself down sideways;
Your back will cause you harm.
Just ignore the pins and needles
Shooting up your arm.
When your shoulder stiffens
Don’t give up the fight.
But you won’t escape those
Raspberries in the night.
Try to go to sleep now
Slumber now with grace.
Forget the feeling that you have
An alien on your face.
Soon will come the Sandman.
Snuggle down. Goodnight.
But you’ll jump awake at midnight
From raspberries in the night.
Raspberries in the night my boys,
Raspberries in the night.
Fill the box with water,
Strap the mask on tight.
Try to doze off sideways.
It will be alright.
But I never expected
Raspberries in the night.
If you snore at nighttime
It could be bad for you.
You may have got Sleep Apnoea.
So here’s what they will do;
Prescribe a CPAP pump and mask
They’ll cure you in a blink
With raspberries blowing on your face
You’ll never sleep a wink.
Raspberries in the night my boys,
Raspberries in the night.
Fill the box with water,
Strap the mask on tight.
Try to doze off sideways.
It will be alright.
But You’ll never sleep again for
Raspberries in the night.
